


"Angeles" :My Angel: (Destiel/Sabriel)

by MJPaAnda



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Human!Castiel - Freeform, M/M, Sabriel - Freeform, random people - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:04:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2275947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJPaAnda/pseuds/MJPaAnda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Castiel became human he started to understand most of his newly discovered feelings: Concern, Anxiousness, Exhaustion, Sadness, Happiness, Grief, Lust, Satisfaction, Fear, Jealousy, Regret and even love. PAIN was the one feeling he had troubles with understanding, because he never had to feel it as an angel and there was no one who could explain it to him. All of the humans did their best at avoiding the topic. Castiel decided with a feeling of guilt and self-loathe to experience just how high he was on the pain chart.</p>
<p>But, as it get too deep, Dean steps in to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Angeles" :My Angel: (Destiel/Sabriel)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy, note that there is blood included and also suicidal thoughts, Dean out of character, suicidal castiel, lots of angst and don't mind the language.
> 
> :D :D enjoy :D :D

**WARNING: Self harm, Hurt/comfort, 18+ for blood, swearing, angst and smut**

**Title:** "Angeles" :My Angel:

 **Author:** "MJPaAnda"

 **Main couple/pairing:** Destiel, Dean and Castiel

 **Characters:** Castiel Novak, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Gabriel, random people

* * *

_**PART I** _

Dean Winchester woke up to another lousy cloudy day. Just by looking out the window he decided not to cross the doorway of the bunker he, his brother and his best friend were staying at.

Dean's head was pounding, resembling the hangover from the previous night. He's probably set a record on the amount of tequilas he SHOULDN'T drink. Or ANYONE for that matter. The blonde haired man tried to remember what happened the night before, as he drank a glass of water and a tablet of his new best friend: Aspirin.

He did assemble his mind enough to remember that he had yet another fight with the fallen angel. Castiel got a bit tipsy and accidentally fell on every single one of Dean's buttons. Once the man started shouting, their arguing didn't stop. Bobby was not around anymore and Sam... Well, Sam could not stand Dean's and Cas's fights (or "LOUD TALKS" as Dean liked to called them). He got used to locking himself in his own room, put the headphones on and lock himself away from everyone. He was usually on his bead, in the corner, sometimes tears running down his face if he could still hear them from downstairs. That is also where he usually fell asleep. He felt like a small child that was hiding from their parents' arguments, but he did not care.

What Sam did not know was that Castiel usually blacked out soon after, sometimes in the middle of the argument and Dean carried him bride style, to Dean's bed. He was already used to Castiel joining him in the middle of the night if he had nightmares or such. Sam did not know that Dean was the one that put his little brother to bed and put covers over him. He did not see the regret in Dean's eyes for every single drink he had and how he hated himself for knowing that he'll do it all over again. A thousand times over. Drink. Fight. Go to sleep. A never ending circle of a man that was on the edge, holding on by merely a thread.

Their 1st "fight" occurred a week after Castiel became a real human. He fell from Heaven. He said it was a punishment, but Gabriel told Sam and Dean later on, that Castiel asked to be thrown away from Heaven. No one knew why that would be the truth. Dean was so frustrated with Castiel, because he kept reminding him of how he betrayed the younger man's heart. At first he simply told Castiel to shut his mouth, but to no avail. Castiel kept pushing and pushing, until finally Dean slapped him over the face and started shouting at him. He could still remember each word and he knew how hurtful those probably seemed to Castiel. Of course the ex-angel had his own opinion he wanted to share. That's how Sammy had to witness their first "argument" and break them apart after each received a punch from the other.

With that beautiful start, their fights continued and became quite frequent. Only two months passed from Castiel's humanisation, but Dean already seemed to be having a hard time remembering the last time he and Castiel had one of those meaningless, stupid little talks. He admitted to himself that he wanted those moments back but found it much easier to drink until he couldn't think straight, have his spill of mind towards his best friend and then forget it the next morning. Of course he did not forget any of it, but Castiel made it seem as if he had no memory of them AT ALL, Sam and Dean only played along and berried them deep down in their hearts.

Dean brought himself back to reality. As usual he walked to Sam's room, knocked three times on his door and yelled his name, accompanied by a simple "Get up!" to make sure the other one heard him.

When it came to Castiel, however, Dean had a much gentler approach. He always knocked on the door of his own room announcing his name. He would then walk up to his small bed and find a sleeping angel, partly naked, caught among the covers. He would wake him up with a gentle brush to the side of his perfect face and a kiss to his forehead. Dean wasn't sure why, but it made him happy to know that the first thing Castiel saw in the morning were a pair of emerald green eyes looking down at him with pure love caught out and inside of their owner's body.

Only, this time it was different. There was no angel in the bed for him to find.

"Cas? Cas?!", Dean yelled into the air around him, waiting for an answer, but got none. He panicked right away. Forgetting the first rule of always carrying a gun, he ran around the bunker weaponless, calling his friend's name over and over again. The loud noise woke Sam up.

"What's up?" was all he managed to say still half asleep. Dean walked past him, with a yell. "Cas's gone!"

In a matter of seconds, Sam was fully awake, now running around the bunker with Dean. The blonde man decided he should check outside, while Sam was already dialling a number on his phone, even though Dean said it was not necessary.

The tall man paced down one of the halls and his eyes suddenly stopped on a closed door. He knew that that was the bathroom. Sam was a bit confused. Did they already check that room? Why did he not notice it? He slowly approached the doors belonging to the bathroom, the phone still to his ear. He listened for a sound behind them, but it was quiet. He pushed down the doorknob. The doors did not budge. With a strong kick, the wooden piece wrecked open.

The image Sam was welcomed with, made him stop in his tracks and his heart skip a heartbeat.

"911, what is your emergency?"

Sam's hands dropped next to his body, Soon he could hear Dean entering the bunker and looking for him. Dean almost immediately sensed that something was wrong. In a mere second, he was next to Sam and his face turned to look in the same direction as Sam.

"Is anyone there? This is 911. Please, state your emergency."

Dean was quick to react in any kind of situation. Even if it included his best friend sitting in a corner of the bathroom, both of his hands of the cold ground on each side of his body, his arms freshly cut on several places, his face pale and lifeless, red blood all around him. Dean knelt down next to him. First he checked Castiel's neck for impulse and once it was there he held both of his hands and yelled to Sam that they really needed that call. Sam lifted his phone back to his ear and said only a few simple words that his shocked mind managed to turn into a sentence.

"Are you still there?"

"Yes, 911 here. What is your emergency?"

"My friend is... bleeding."

"Could you describe how severe his wounds are?"

"Cuts of several depths all over his arms," Sam said choking back tears. Dean suddenly screamed his way to ask the other person on the line what he should do.

"What should we do?" Sam question in case she couldn't hear Dean before.

"Sir, calm down. You must try to stop the bleeding. Put the-" Sam put her on a speaker, "-towels or anything similar, but clean to his hands and tightly wrap those on the most crucial points. Those are wherever the cuts are the deepest. Probably the wrists. Wherever the veins can be cut."

"Can we take him to the hospital?!" Dean asked, his voice getting more panicked every second.

"Yes. That is much faster than waiting for an ambulance. Don not forget to keep the pressure on the wound while on your way. He mustn't loose too much blood."

"Yes. Yes, we will. Thank you," Sam managed to say.

"Good luck," was all he heard before hanging up.

That was enough for Dean. He picked up the unmoving body in his arms bride style and walked towards the doors and then to the Impala. Sam was right behind him with a wallet, set of towels and the car keys. Dean and Castiel were soon on the back seat, Castiel's head in Dean's lap, the green eyes holding the other one's hands in his own, keeping the pressure on the wounds, looking away from them and focusing on Castiel's closed eyes and breath that escaped his slightly parted lips. Sam came soon after them, sat behind the wheel and started the engine.

Neither of the two traumatised men, wanted to talk, although Sam felt the need to say something.

"Hold on Cas. We'll save you. You'll be fine. I promise," Sam heard his older brother whisper to the one in his arms. When he heard those tender words coming from the one he knew would never brake under pressure, he bit his bottom lip and tried to focus on the road, rather on the dark thoughts filling his mind. He realised that keeping silent and only listening to his brother's silent pleadings for their friend to survive and keep fighting ,while he kept his tears inside as much as he could was a sacrifice big enough. Although Dean was also trying to seem calm and collected in a simple attempt to save his brother's mind from breaking, but mostly to keep himself from crushing inside.

Surprisingly it did not take them long to reach the hospital. As soon as Sam walked through the doorway with half dead bleeding Castiel in his arms and Dean screaming for help, the nurses noticed them and lead him to a room where he was instructed to put his friend's lifeless body on a bed. As one of the nurses pushed him and Dean outside of the room that way now filled with nurses and doctors trying to get the life back to Castiel's body, the younger Winchester noticed the blood staining all of the white beddings and staff's uniform.

15 minutes later, the two Winchesters found themselves in the waiting room. Dean was pacing around the almost empty room, while the younger kept his eyes focused on the palms he had spread in front of him and all of the blood covering them. Dean stopped for a moment seeing Sam's never ending stare and the emotion in his eyes. All he could do was sit next to him and try his best to at least say something and let him know he's not alone in this. He could relate to the emotionless man next to him.

Dean put his hand in front of Sam's and pushed them away, to get Sam's attention.

"We're gonna get through this Sammy. It's gonna be O.K. Now, go wash that off. You don't need any mementos."

Without arguing, Sam stood up and walked down the hall. Dean was left alone. He waited for some more, until finally a young raven haired nurse stopped in front of him.

"Are you... Dean?" She asked nicely looking at the paper in her hands and then at him.

"Depends on who's asking," he said a bit seductively, but kicked himself mentally for doing it in a time like this. 'Bad habits die last', he said to himself.

"We were said you brought in Castiel Novak," she said, not even bothering about his flirt. Dean was thankful for that and decided to cut it off.

"Yes, I did. Dean is me. I mean, I am Dean. Yes," he stuttered a bunch of words out of his system.

"There is no need for you to be nervous, Dean. Your friend is completely safe. He is alive and breathing."

Dean was so ready for disappointment, that he did not know how to react. He kept silent, his lips lightly apart.

"Mr. Novak was found with severe crucial wound that we had to stitch up. His bleeds stopped, so eventually he WILL heal," she continued and then somewhat drifted away.

Dean motioned for her to continue her thought with a word "But..."

"BUT, though he might be physically healthy, I don't think his mental state is all that well."

Dean pushed that doubt away from his mind and asked her if he can see Castiel instead.

"Yes. If he lets you that is. Like I said, he might not-"

"It's alright. We're family."

He already walked away, but soon stopped and turned to her, raising his voice so she could hear him.

"If you see a tall man with long brown hair, please tell him where I am. His name's Sam."

"Yes, sir. Room 116."

"Thank you."

Dean quickly reached the doors that had written 116 on them. He already lifted his hand wanting to knock, when he remembered that Castiel was probably asleep. He pressed the doorknob and opened the doors.

He got welcomed by darkness. The only light were the few flares of sun that escaped the blindfolds on the window. He easily got used to the dark and saw the bed with a man sitting on it, his back towards the door.

"Cas? It's me. Dean."

He got no response from the other man. Dean closed the doors. He carefully walked closer to Cas and when he was right next to him, he saw that Castiel's blue eyes were focused on the dimmed window in front of him. His breaths were slow and steady. Both of his arms were fully wrapped up with bandages. 'At least there's no blood,' was the first thing crossing Dean's mind.

The younger man sat on the bed next to his friend and turned towards where he was looking. He did not want to speak. He did not want to argue. It was easier to wait for Castiel to make the first step.

"Dean... I'm sorry,"" he heard the other man say. He wanted to shout at him once more, that it was enough of him apologising, but decided he can do the same with a normal voice - calm and steady, as Castiel breaths.

"If you're gonna keep on saying you're sorry, then you shouldn't do the stuff you'll later regret, Cas," he said, looking at him. Castiel did not return the look, but sighed instead.

"I don't know what I'll regret. I can't predict the future Dean."

"I know that Cas. But maybe what you did right now, might be one of those things you SHOULDN'T do."

"I do not REGRET it Dean. But yes, I am aware of the fact that I went too far. Usually I know when to stop," he accidentally let the words slip his slip. He bit his slip when he realised just what he said.

"Usually? You mean-" Dean rotated his body so he was turned to Castiel and saw the nod from the other one. A tear formed in the angelic eyes. Dean watched it fall down the ex-angel's pale cheek.

"I've been doing it for a while now." he whispered.

"WHY?"

Both men swung around upon hearing the familiar voice.

"Sammy-"Dean started, but was cut off by his younger brother's words.

"No, Dean! I deserve to know! I've had it with you two! You are practically falling apart and loosing your livers with all the alcohol! And YOU Cas! Fighting with Dean was probably not enough for you! You had to make HIM a wreck, then off YOURSELF and make ME one too!"

The two older men lowered their heads. Being yelled at by Sammy, was not a common thing to happen.

"What you do to yourselves..." he whispered. "IT'S JUST STUPID!" He jelled the latter words and the stormed out of the room. Walking down the corridor, he realised that he was not crying, unlike Castiel. Perhaps even Dean. He was not sad. No, he was DISAPPOINTED in the two men he was supposed to look up to as the youngest of the three. He was angry at them, but furious with himself.

WHY DID HE NOT STOP THEIR SECOND FIGHT?

WHY DID HE POUR MORE DRINK INTO DEAN'S GLASS, WHEN ASKED?

WHY DID HE NOT CHECK WHO WAS CRYING IN THE BATHROOM, THAT ONE STORMY NIGHT?

If then Dean and Castiel knew just how much Sam blamed himself for their own mistakes, both of them would think 3 times before deciding what's best.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note:  
> Hope you enjoyed :) I sure did, and yes I know that would never happen. More of the actual timeline and everything will be explained later. Just know that this is after bobby's death, after purgatory, but before Naomi. Castiel went back with Dean, was brought to heaven and threw himself out (SPILER ALERT FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS). It's complicated, but you will understand eventually. I'll also add a link to my trailer to this fanfic as soon as I finish it :D  
> Visit again soon!!


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